In the business world and when navigating the waves of social interactions we are sure to encounter - and some of these are bound to be difficult - there comes testing moments where our resources are pushed to their limits and we have to choose a course of action: Should we push hard against our seeming adversary or run away and try again another time? Will we freeze with fear or just conform to the other's demands? There is another option, and I've found it a great model for how to think about my next moves when I'm up against unfamiliar or just uncomfortable situations. The basic idea is to "lean into" the conflict.
I picked this strategy up in a college class on Conflict Resolution. If you're like me, there were only a few gems that stick out over time from the lessons in school. Most of what I learned was from reading. But in this one class, two ideas really stuck with me; they're great. On is to embrace the Platinum-Rule. Where the Golden-Rule states "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," the Platinum-Rule twists it to a more enlightened "do unto others as they would have done unto them." Changes the conditions from an ego-oriented perspective to one embracing empathy. Anyway, the other important lesson had to do with this leaning into conflict, and one of the text books for that class was written by former students from an earlier-iteration of the class - "Turning Conflict into Profit." |
Leaning-into a conflict can work wonders if the issue is of a social nature - dispute over a business strategy with your partners or superiors; marital drama; argument with a friend. Or, leaning-in can reap rewards for more specific, personal struggles such as how to get over a phobia or an achievement ceiling. By leaning in gently you show the other party (or your own mind) that you are interested in hearing what the issue is from their perspective. This can give you an immediate achievement or lend to the beginning of discovering common ground. The whole affair may be concluded rapidly if it turns out that a misunderstanding was at the bottom of the conflict. This happens all the time. You see, conflict is "the perceived difference of interest between groups." Perception can be wrong. Listen to what the other side is actually concerned about and maybe it will turn out that no real dilemma exists or that a solution is readily available and agreeable to everyone. Then again, maybe there is a real conflict of interest.
If there is an actual divergence between what you are trying to accomplish and what another entity is doing or plans to do, or even if there is a divergence between what YOU want to do and what YOU are doing, the old fight-or-flight autonomic nervous-system wants to either butt heads or flee. But you know better. And so do your "opponents," or so does your inner-conflict. Nothing is to be learned or gained by cowarding. And an all-out battle will dwindle everybody's resources. Lean-in. Listen. Begin or continue the dialogue. And really hear what choices are available. People respect determination, but only if it comes with a fairness. Pushy people end up getting jammed into spaces they don't fit into. By leaning-in, you can assess the situation and decide if you should move in further or if all hope is lost and it really is best to step away. If you can't step away, at least you know what's what, and can plan and act acordingly. This approach is also valuable for lucid dream induction. Lean-into the expectation that you will become lucid, and that it will happen soon. If you push too hard, you may end up frustrated to the point that you give up all further effort. If you don't even try and you lean or fall away from your practice, success becomes impossible. And when you do become lucid and find yourself in the tremendous position of being awake inside the impossibly-realistic world of lucid dreams, you had better lean into that situation too: If you let your emotions run wild you will get too excited and wake up; if you try to just "go with the flow" you might get wrapped back up in ordinary dreaming and forget it's all a simulation. |